I Will See You Again

Where do you begin to gracefully tell heartbreaking news that you are still having a hard time grasping?

I don't know. 

A couple of days after announcing to (most) everyone that we were expecting our first baby, our world was shaken by words we never thought we would hear. We never thought we would be telling this story. And as much as I'd like to pretend it never happened the ache in my heart won't let me. The night of July 23rd we lost our sweet baby and on July 24th (mine and Jason's 3rd wedding anniversary) the Dr. confirmed what I already knew in my heart. Words still fail me, but I managed to put some of them on paper for the first time last night. And in an effort to share with everyone what this trial has been like for me personally I have posted my journal entry from last night below:

August 1, 2013
I thought the tears had subsided for a while, but they sneak up on me when I'm least suspecting them. It's still hard to accept that you're not with us. The 8 weeks you blessed your daddy and I with your presence were full of joy, excitement and giddily planning your arrival. Even though you were a major surprise, you were everything wanted could possibly be. All the thoughts and emotions that run through my mind, even today, are made a little more bearable knowing we'll meet you day and see your face, your sweet face. It's hard to understand why God gave you to us and just as suddenly as you were formed were taken away. I trust there's a plan. I miss you. More than I thought possible. I hope you know how much your daddy and I love you and that you're always in our hearts. 

I had hoped to have some eloquent words to say to you about how we're handling this time of grief and heart ache, but the truth is we're just handling it day to day as the thoughts, feelings and emotions come. Where do we go from here? Forward. All I know is we grieve, but we keep moving forward as hard as it is. There's an emptiness that I live with now, but know that one day it will be filled. It's hard, yet God is always with me. Psalm 27:5-9 has been comforting to me and I hold tight these words:

For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. he will place me out of reach on a high rock. Then I will hold my head high above my enemies who surround me. At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy, singing and praising the Lord with music. Hear me as I pray, O Lord. Be merciful and answer me! My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming." Do not turn your back on me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don't leave me now; don't abandon me, O God of my salvation!

We have also found some healing in the words of the song below. It's funny how certain songs show up at the right times in your life. 

Said goodbye, turned aroundAnd you were gone, gone, goneFaded into the setting sun,Slipped awayBut I won’t cryCause I know I’ll never be lonelyFor you are the stars to me,You are the light I followI will See you againThis is not where it endsI will carry you with meTill I see you againI can hear those echoes in the wind at nightCalling me back in timeBack to youIn a place far awayWhere the water meets the skyThe thought of it makes me smileYou are my tomorrowI will See you againThis is not where it endsI will carry you with meTill I see you againSometimes I feel my heart is breakingBut I stay strong and I hold on cause I knowI will see you againThis is not where it endsI will carry you with me, yeah yeahI will See you againThis is not where it endsI will carry you with me,Till I see you again

I want to thank our friends and family for their love and support during this time and ask that you all keep us in your prayers.  I pray that any one reading this who has dealt with the same grief finds peace and comfort in knowing you're not alone and that God is always with you. 

I'll do my best to continue to share this healing process with you and keep you all updated.

 

First 10k of 2013 and My Running Mix

I know many of you are eager to hear the outcome of my half marathon back in November and I promise I have been working on my story. However, I never imagined it would be so difficult to express all the emotion and feeling I felt that day in to a few paragraphs. I'm not making any promises but I hope to finally be able to share the post with you by the end of the month. But, today I am sharing some of my music inspiration with you. I've had several people ask me what music I listened to when running. You're in luck...today I'm sharing my 10k running mix with you!

Tomorrow I'm running my first race of 2013! The Cherry Blossom Road Race and even though there's a chance of rain I can't wait to get out there on the road. It's hard to believe it's been almost 5 months since I ran my half. I needed a break but I'm beyond ready to get back in my monkey feet on a more regular basis. I'll post some pictures of race day on Monday.

My running mix is ever growing but for shorter races this is my go to. I use Spotify because it's cheaper than buying every song and I can use it on my phone. If you haven't heard of it you should check it out! I know several people who can run with any kind of music. Me, well, I'm a little picky side. I know, who would've thought? :) I have to have upbeat/fun music, but I always include a few songs that inspire me as well. Here are some of my top favorites and the mix I will be running to tomorrow!

1. Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding
2. Whistle - Flo Rida
3. Some Nights -Fun.
4. Breath of Life - Florence and the Machine
5. The Fighter - Gym Class Heroes and Ryan Tedder
6. Blown Away - Carrie Underwood
7. Titanium - David Guetta ft. Sia
8. Promises - Nero with Skrillex
9. Let it Rock - Kevin Rudolf and Lil Wayne
10. I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
11. The Swarm - You Me at Six
12. Shake it Out - Florence and the Machine
13. Champion - Chipmunk with Chris Brown
14. Hall of Fame - The Script with will.i.am
15. We Found Love - Rihanna
16. Map of the Problematique - Muse
17. It's Time - Imagine Dragons
18. Paris (Ooh La La) - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals
19. Everybody Talks - Neon Trees
20. Shake, Shake, Shake - Bronze Radio Return

Hope you feel inspired to get your run on this weekend! Happy Friday!!

Little Tranquility: Shabby Apple Giveaway!

Little Tranquility: Shabby Apple Giveaway!:   Who has two thumbs and loves pretty retro and vintage dresses?? This girl.  I hope you love them, too, because Shabby Apple is so kindly giving away $50 gift certificate to one of Little Tranquility's readers. Hurry and enter because today is the last day to enter! Go to Little Tranquility now for further instruction.

Happy Tuesday!!

Vintage Josephine

A 'non' Runners Story

I've been meaning to share my story with you and just haven't found the time until now. I'm going to do my best to share every detail with you and I hope you find inspiration to move forward with something that has always seemed unreachable to you, because the truth is...NOTHING is unreachable!

To give you a little background, in the past several years I've put on some pounds, okay, more like a LOT of pounds, about 50 to be exact. I ate things I shouldn't and just became complacent with where I was in life, including my health/fitness routine. I've always been active and considered myself fit but a few years went by and I had completely let go of myself. As 2012 began I realized I needed to make some serious life changes and some of those included changing my eating habits and once again pick up a fitness routine. Thus begins part 1 of my story...I have NEVER been a runner. I've always respected the sport and wished I could do it I just didn't think I had it in me. Well, I vowed to give it a try anyway. Deep inside I had always wanted to run a marathon but I felt that was definitely a bite to big to chew on this new journey. I chose to shoot for a half-marathon instead! Crazy you say? Perhaps! Once I had made my decision I immediately consulted one of my close friends to find out if she would be interested in training and ultimately running the half with me. She of course was all in from the beginning! We began training in April. I found a 12 week training schedule to get us ready which you can find here, we started with the beginners plan. I also ran my first 5K in April and had a blast but didn't do well at all! I walked most of it...good thing is was all for fun! The Color Run is one you don't want to miss!

A couple of weeks into our training I began to have some physical issues. Knee pain, back stiffness and  moderate fatigue. I attributed my knee and back issues to my shoes. And, that brings us to part 2 of my story. My husband and I had bought each other new running shoes for Christmas with the intention of helping each other get back in shape. After running in them for several weeks I was disappointed with how uncomfortable they had become and they clearly were not the kind of support I needed. I began to research shoes for runners training for long distance races. The more research I did the more interested I became in what are known as barefoot running shoes.  You know the funny looking toe shoes. Like the ones below:

                     

Adidas Adipure

Fila Skele-toes

Vibram Five Fingers

There are so many studies to back up the technology of these shoes.  Here are a couple of articles I read while doing my research Barefoot Running Shoes and Should you be Running Barefoot?. After compiling my notes I came to the conclusion that all my problems really did have to do with my shoes and I was desperate to try out these barefoot running shoes and what I now affectionately call 'monkey feet'. I made a trip to one of our local sporting good stores. Amazingly, they had just started selling the Fila Skeletoes and Adidas Adipure. I tried them both on and sided with the Fila's. I ran in them for the first time the next day and I felt like a new person. Granted, there was some leg soreness due to the fact that when you wear a minimalist show you use all of your leg muscles. I went through two pair of Fila's and just recently had to replace my second pair. I wanted to branch out and try a different brand this time around and came across a clearance on Adipures. I grabbed them up and and I absolutely love them! I run even better! My Fila's were a good launching pad but I definitely feel like I've graduated.

                

In September I ran in our local Labor Day Road Race, my first 10k. My goal was to run the entire race...I almost succeeded. Except for a few MAJOR hills where I took a break to walk, I did run the entire time. It was a great way to find out how close I was to being ready for running a half marathon. As you see in the photo below I was absolutely exhausted! It took me a few days to recover but I felt great knowing that I gave it all I had and wasn't the last person to cross the finish line. At the time I didn't notice the guy next to me but he was obviously filled with exuberance to finish, mine was being expressed on the inside. :) My official finish time was 1 hour 18 min 20.57 seconds.

Amy & I awaiting the start of the race

Just passed the half way mark!

Part 3 of my story - I'm now a vegetarian. How is it possible to be an athlete and vegetarian you ask? Quite possible actually and you would be surprised at how many athletes, some well known, are going the no meat route. My reasons for becoming a no meat athlete are very simple. 1. I wanted to be as healthy as I could be when I started my training 2. I wasn't feeling well most of the time after I ate a meal that included meat. 3. Every now and then your body just needs a good cleansing. Other than my love for BBQ I probably would have given up meat a long time ago. But back in June I made it official and feel better than I ever have. I've tried to stay away from processed foods as much as possible and cook/make most of my food at home now. I still love to eat out but am extra careful about what I order and sometimes have to get creative with dishes especially if the restaurant isn't 'veg' friendly. These are good resources if you're looking to turn vegetarian or vegan and are concerned about being able to perform as an athlete: No Meat Athlete and Thrive Diet.
Here are some of my favorite dishes!

Here we are at the end of October and it is officially race week. Oh, yeah, I haven't told you which half I'm running. This coming Saturday, November 3rd, I'm running the Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon in Savannah! I'm a little nervous but more excited than anything. I feel ready, rested and energized. I'll be posting updates throughout the day when I can. You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram (I'm vintagejosephine) to keep up with the excitement. Though I feel prepared I could still use your thoughts and prayers for strength and endurance to cross the finish line.  Here's a preview of my route...crazy, huh!

The purple route is what Amy & I will be running

I know that was a lot of information and maybe more than was needed but I wanted to share every little detail with you to show that if one process doesn't work, try another and if that doesn't work keep trying until you find something that does. Find what works for you. Whatever you're trying to accomplish in life is a process and sometimes it takes a while to find the 'perfect' way. Running has taught me a lot about patience and believing that you really can do anything you set your mind to. It takes determination and disciple to stick with a sport like running but it's worth it all in the end when you complete those goals you set out to achieve. I want to thank my friend Amy for always supporting me and helping to push me toward my goals. We've worked through many life 'situations' during our training and I'm grateful to have her as a running partner. It wouldn't be the same without you!

I'll share more of my weight loss story with you next week while I'm recovering from the half. I might even share some of my recipes with you and give you a play by play of the weekend.
I'll leave you with these words.

Monthly Music Club

The hubster and I have always had a knack for discovering new music and it's kind of become a hobby for us to do together. Most of our music we buy on iTunes as I'm sure most of you do, however, we used to frequent Best Buy early on in our relationship and for every CD of a known artist we purchased we would also find a group/artist we had never heard of and purchase it as well. It was always fun to pop the CD into the stereo and wait with anticipation to see if you had made a good choice. Most of the time for me it would be the album cover or a song name that drew me in. We haven't played our 'new music game' in a while and realized we missed the excitement of discovering new tunes. A couple of weeks ago we decided it was time to embark on our new music journey once again and have found pages worth of new artists that we are slowly adding to our library. I have a few friends that I'm always excited to share my new finds with because I know they will share the same excitement. I was pondering on how fun it would be to share new music with all of you once a month. As much of a slacker as I have been with this blog I feel like this is something I can commit to. :) So, starting today, once a month be on the look for great new music. 

June's Featured Artist: The Milk Carton Kids

Album: Prologue

My Favorite song: Michigan

We found a free download of their album on their website.

Check it out:

http://themilkcartonkids.com/

Go find some great music yourself and share with your friends! I would love to hear suggestions from you all as well!

Here's a little bonus music:

One of my all time favorites!

Artist: Green River Ordinance

Album: The Morning Passengers EP

Song: Dancing Shoes

Have a great weekend!!

DIY List - Completion #1

I was not able to complete my 'big' project I mentioned a few weekends ago. It was quite warm as I thought it might be. However, I have made some progress in other areas and am happy to share my first completion from the previously mentioned DIY list.

Yay for productivity! 

Nothing beats a pop of color to make doing laundry a little more exciting.

Sorry for the iPhone pictures but it's all I had access to at the time.

Isn't it cute!

All you need for this project is wooden letters and paint. The little shelf is something I've had for years but I did spruce it up a bit. Put a coat of light yellow paint on it and cut out squares of scrapbook paper for each section. I haven't decided what I am going to fill the squares with yet but for now I'm trying some old mini bottles. 

Here are a few close ups.

Stay tuned for a post of completion #2 later this week!

'25'

This past weekend was my 25th birthday. I must say that as the big day arrived I didn't anticipate much out of it. As I get older all the hype that precedes birthdays has dissipated greatly. However, this birthday has made it near the top of my 'Best Birthdays' list. It isn't because of some incredible gift I received or someone treating me like a queen. Instead it is because of the amazing people in my life. They are the kind of people that make the most out of the life and remind me that birthdays aren't about the material things you get or having an over the top party. It's about being grateful for where you are in life and believing greater things are yet to come. Though I might not be exactly where I want to be in life I am here for a reason and am living every day to it's fullest. I can't thank my family, friends and wonderful husband enough for making the 25th celebration of my life so special.

With all the celebrating I didn't have much time to tackle my ever-growing list of DIY projects. Some of the small projects I have been working on have been put on hold for a 'big' project I hope to complete this weekend. It has been so hot here that being outside while the sun is up has been absolutely miserable. While I have the best of intentions to complete my 'big' project it will completely depend on the heat. As of now it is 99 degrees with a heat index of 103 and 33% humidity. Yuck!

I'm sure it could go without saying I have been dreaming of a cold pool all day. Here are a few visuals so you can dream with me too.

Enjoy!